Post by bantambuff on Sept 25, 2008 14:25:50 GMT
Stolen shamelessly from waccoe, copyright of twobob..made me laugh I must admit...
Terry Venables is set for talks with the Magpies and will let them know on Thursday whether he wants to become their caretaker manager. (Daily Mirror)
Sources close to Mike Ashley are worried Venables might have misunderstood the approach. "We asked him about a caretaker role, it's true, but he added the 'manager' bit himself," said an insider. "We just need a proven football man to replace the lightbulbs, sweep the carpark, keep the keys, buy the milk, that sort of thing. I mean, Mike's pretty desperate to get this squared away, but he's not THAT F****ing desperate."
Despite the uncertainty over the future ownership of the club, Newcastle hope to lure Venables by offering him a short-term deal, and paying him accordingly as a fire-fighter. (The Independent)
Venables is reported to have messed up his hair, put on a load of make-up, jumped on Ashley's desk and screamed:
"I'm the trouble starter, punkin' instigator Im the fear addicted, danger illustrated I'm a firestarter, twisted firestarter You're the firestarter, twisted firestarter I'm a firestarter, twisted firestarter I'm the B**** you hated, filth infatuated Yeah I'm the bait you asted, well intoxicated I'm a firestarter, twisted firestarter You're the firestarter, twisted firestarter I'm the self inflicted, mind detonator Yeah I'm the one infected, twisted animator I'm a firestarter, twisted firestarter You're the firestarter, twisted firestarter I'm a firestarter, twisted firestarter, starter, starter.. !"
Ashely said: "Yeah, actually, it was more of a firefighter I was after, but your story's moved me to tears, when can you start?"
The Magpies have also contacted another former England and Tottenham manager, Glenn Hoddle, about the post. (The Times)
They wanted to ask him if John Gorman was available.
Chris Nathaniel is ready to make an announcement on the group's plans to buy the Magpies and says one of their first acts could be to reinstall Kevin Keegan as boss. (Daily Star)
Keegan has decided to save the club months of speculation and misery by getting his resignation in early this time. "I've spoken with Mr Nathaniel" he said, "and I've decided to take the job there's no one like Geordies it's a privilege the sky's the limit this place is special I love it to bits you can feel it but there's one or two things going on behind the scenes we need to clear up Oo 'eck there's not enough money hold on it's not what the brochure said I'm making no comment no hang I quit I just came up a bit short I'm going I'll be at the circus bye."
The Hammers are expected to escape any further Premier League investigation or charges over the Carlos Tevez saga. (The Guardian)
A PL spokesman said "Bless 'em, the Hammers, eh? What a tradition! Always play the right way, Bobby Moore, Geoff Hurst, good ole Sir Trevor, we've always had a soft spot. Upton Park, under the lights, smashin', aah ... and what a production line of talent, eh? They're where they belong an' no mistake ... I'm sorry, Sheffield who now?"
West Ham have turned to Manchester United solicitor Maurice Watkins to advise them following the latest developments in the saga. (Daily Express, Daily Telegraph)
We've seen a leaked memo of his preliminary advice based on years of success at Old Trafford:
"1. Get really cross and say it's not fair, everyone else gets better treatment
2. Stop giving interviews to the BBC
3. Get some ex-players to get in the media, get really cross and and say it's not fair, everyone else gets better treatment.
Bill for legal advice: £15,675 + VAT"
Liverpool are set to make a £15m offer for Tottenham's Welsh defender Gareth Bale in January. (The Sun)
"Rafa had a little cat called Gareth as a boy" said an Anfield source. "He loved that cat so much. They went everywhere together. Now, since he can't have Gareth Barry, well ... We are trying to help him, to reach him, but it's not easy. One day Gareth the cat swallowed some weedkiller, coughed up hairballs as big as his head and died in Rafa's arms. All he needs is some closure. And an athletic but combative naturally left-sided defender-cum-winger."
Liverpool goalkeeper Pepe Reina says his side need to beat Everton in Saturday's Merseyside derby to prove they have enough character to win the Premier League title. (Daily Star)
Whereas of course they need to beat them more for the sake of the three points which they desperately need because they have a habit of finishing about 25 points off the top and in fact Leeds have won the title more recently than they have.
Terry Venables is set for talks with the Magpies and will let them know on Thursday whether he wants to become their caretaker manager. (Daily Mirror)
Sources close to Mike Ashley are worried Venables might have misunderstood the approach. "We asked him about a caretaker role, it's true, but he added the 'manager' bit himself," said an insider. "We just need a proven football man to replace the lightbulbs, sweep the carpark, keep the keys, buy the milk, that sort of thing. I mean, Mike's pretty desperate to get this squared away, but he's not THAT F****ing desperate."
Despite the uncertainty over the future ownership of the club, Newcastle hope to lure Venables by offering him a short-term deal, and paying him accordingly as a fire-fighter. (The Independent)
Venables is reported to have messed up his hair, put on a load of make-up, jumped on Ashley's desk and screamed:
"I'm the trouble starter, punkin' instigator Im the fear addicted, danger illustrated I'm a firestarter, twisted firestarter You're the firestarter, twisted firestarter I'm a firestarter, twisted firestarter I'm the B**** you hated, filth infatuated Yeah I'm the bait you asted, well intoxicated I'm a firestarter, twisted firestarter You're the firestarter, twisted firestarter I'm the self inflicted, mind detonator Yeah I'm the one infected, twisted animator I'm a firestarter, twisted firestarter You're the firestarter, twisted firestarter I'm a firestarter, twisted firestarter, starter, starter.. !"
Ashely said: "Yeah, actually, it was more of a firefighter I was after, but your story's moved me to tears, when can you start?"
The Magpies have also contacted another former England and Tottenham manager, Glenn Hoddle, about the post. (The Times)
They wanted to ask him if John Gorman was available.
Chris Nathaniel is ready to make an announcement on the group's plans to buy the Magpies and says one of their first acts could be to reinstall Kevin Keegan as boss. (Daily Star)
Keegan has decided to save the club months of speculation and misery by getting his resignation in early this time. "I've spoken with Mr Nathaniel" he said, "and I've decided to take the job there's no one like Geordies it's a privilege the sky's the limit this place is special I love it to bits you can feel it but there's one or two things going on behind the scenes we need to clear up Oo 'eck there's not enough money hold on it's not what the brochure said I'm making no comment no hang I quit I just came up a bit short I'm going I'll be at the circus bye."
The Hammers are expected to escape any further Premier League investigation or charges over the Carlos Tevez saga. (The Guardian)
A PL spokesman said "Bless 'em, the Hammers, eh? What a tradition! Always play the right way, Bobby Moore, Geoff Hurst, good ole Sir Trevor, we've always had a soft spot. Upton Park, under the lights, smashin', aah ... and what a production line of talent, eh? They're where they belong an' no mistake ... I'm sorry, Sheffield who now?"
West Ham have turned to Manchester United solicitor Maurice Watkins to advise them following the latest developments in the saga. (Daily Express, Daily Telegraph)
We've seen a leaked memo of his preliminary advice based on years of success at Old Trafford:
"1. Get really cross and say it's not fair, everyone else gets better treatment
2. Stop giving interviews to the BBC
3. Get some ex-players to get in the media, get really cross and and say it's not fair, everyone else gets better treatment.
Bill for legal advice: £15,675 + VAT"
Liverpool are set to make a £15m offer for Tottenham's Welsh defender Gareth Bale in January. (The Sun)
"Rafa had a little cat called Gareth as a boy" said an Anfield source. "He loved that cat so much. They went everywhere together. Now, since he can't have Gareth Barry, well ... We are trying to help him, to reach him, but it's not easy. One day Gareth the cat swallowed some weedkiller, coughed up hairballs as big as his head and died in Rafa's arms. All he needs is some closure. And an athletic but combative naturally left-sided defender-cum-winger."
Liverpool goalkeeper Pepe Reina says his side need to beat Everton in Saturday's Merseyside derby to prove they have enough character to win the Premier League title. (Daily Star)
Whereas of course they need to beat them more for the sake of the three points which they desperately need because they have a habit of finishing about 25 points off the top and in fact Leeds have won the title more recently than they have.